Not the end...

rather, a slight change. It's time to make a shift more than a change. The shift: developing my new blog called: ...but, what do you think, what do you believe? Long title, I know. If interested you can find it at: http://yourthoughtsandbeliefs.blogspot.com/. Reality is that I will be spending more time in the next couple of months setting up ...but what do you think? and making my posts there. However Me and Thee is the parent blog and I'll still be making occasional posts here - eventually sharing the posting time between the two.

To be perfectly honest, the difference between the 2 blogs is negligible but it is time for a fresh approach to blogging - at least for me. What the new blog accomplishes is to provide me with some 'breathing' time to refreshen and reinvigorate Me and Thee. And perhaps even reinvent/recreate. (I'm in a 're' time.) Actually, the difference between the two blogs is in their individual inceptions. Me and Thee really began with little purpose other than as a creative writing outlet. Which is fine but it took some time to discover it's voice. ...but, what do you think? was ... intentional.

The teacher in me is first and foremost a poser of questions. My goal when I was teaching in college was not to hear the students parrot back what I know and believe but to do some critical thinking to determine what they believed... and why. Why is always incredibly important and 'because' is not a solid foundation. The secondary goal was not to memorize facts and figures but to know where to find the information.

Those two components were my foundation to teaching which has spilled over in my method of writing. I have discovered that there are certain themes that I tend to write about... obviously they are important to me. These themes such as character, forgiveness, discovery, becoming, etc. I'm also a strong advocate of knowing - why. This 'foundation' will be evident in the new blog.

I've enjoyed these past 26+ months of posting. And I am pleased that there have been as many 'hits' as there have been. Hopefully this will continue. So... this is far from the end...

Actually, you know... in the spirit of stream of consciousness... I think I'll 'recondition' Me and Thee and turn it into an ongoing devotional available to whoever happens on to this site. Probably go back and cull the posts... hmmm...

Conversation...

Do you remember the last time you were involved with a conversation that was truly 'involving'? That both you and the other person(s) were sharing and discussing a subject that brought further clarity or a new approach in thinking? How exhilarating, how energizing! How infrequent. Perhaps I'm just in my 'anti small talk' mood but I find that many of the conversations of late were neither exhilarating nor brought clarity - mundane more clearly describes.

I've never been good at small talk - it tends to bore me. I'm not a fun person to be around when I'm impatient. And yet... that's not really fair because I'm 'judging' based on my frame of reference, my biases. What may seem boring to me may be of the utmost interest to someone else. I have no doubt that the opposite is also true. Typically you can discern quickly if the other person is involved in the discussion or not. Eye contact, for me, is one of the first and best indicators. Ultimately, I think the issue is - engaged.

And... engaged really is a choice. So what do you do when you find yourself in a conversation that is totally uninteresting to you? You have a variety of choices all the way from extremely rude to dismissive to actually attempting to find 'value' in the discussion. Focus here is of great benefit if you are interested in maintaining a somewhat civil relationship. Nothing hurts quite so much as being ignored or patronized by someone you value. And 'being honest' is not an escape.

I truly enjoy dialogue, the exchange of thoughts and ideas and hypotheses... all that is quite stimulating (my definitions). Over the years I've learned ways to gently extricate myself from those situations that I find less than involving. Or at least I think I have. My point is - if I'm going to be involved in a discussion then for the conversation to continue, for me, it has to be... engaging (my definition). 

The really, really stupid stage

Typically you don't recognize your really, really stupid stage until after you've come through it... often many years later. (It isn't particularly a happy reminiscence.) However, I believe we all go through a really stupid stage or maybe it's that I don't want to believe I'm the only one. The stupid stage is identified by incredible self indulgence and a self-blindness that is unfathomable. After emerging and taking one's blinders off, the feeling that exists is a deep sigh of gratefulness - there but for the Grace of God I'd still be.

This stage can be called by other names, typically 'midlife crisis'. Whether it's called that or the really, really stupid stage or whatever designation, the length can be short or extremely long - years actually. And it can strike at any age over 25. You may find yourself extremely surprised at your behavior once you've emerged from it. Looking back from my current vantage point of no longer occupying the really, really stupid stage I sometimes wonder if I had any relationship to logic during that time.

I'm still not completely certain one has to enter/endure this stage, but I suspect we all are subject to  some degree. It is far easier to see it in others than in oneself. And perhaps you may think that I'm overreacting or overstating the situation. I'm really not. Part of self determination in this case is your own personal definition of stupid and stage. And... which side of the stage you are on. But regardless, I would encourage a gentleness but honest assessment.

Dissatisfaction is typically the avenue to this stage so if you see yourself dissatisfied - do something about it. You ALWAYS have options. The higher the frustration and the longer the dissatisfaction the probability of entrance into and residence in this stage increases. Perhaps you think I'm only trying to be amusing - I'm not. For some reason we all seem to hit this point in our lives, the quicker you respond to your feelings the quicker you emerge out.

Willing to...

I recently read a post on facebook (Exceptional Living by Dennisse Lisseth quoting Brave Girls Club) on the question about 'willing-ness'. As I thought more about the meaning of the word, the more I thought this is a good question to ask. It's all very well to talk about being transparent or 'letting the chips fall where they may' but exactly how willing are you to move out of your comfort zone? How willing are you to...

Webster defines willing as: "... inclined, ready, disposed" but the second description, to me, is the important part - "prompt to act or respond". You can be ready to be/do but, in the end, do you? Are you prompt to respond? And yes, it does depend on what the subject is, but what is your typical mo, your predisposition? Are you the hesitant or the 'boldly go where no man has gone before' type? What 'willing to' is testing you? Because 'willing to' is a choice - you don't have to.

Perhaps 'willing' is asking you to let change occur, to try something new? Or is willing asking you to be brave, to trust, to forgive? Perhaps you are being asked to 'stretch' yourself - or maybe to begin to view yourself as you are. There are so many ways we are asked, daily, to be willing to view events, ourselves, others in new ways. And it always is a choice, actually a decision to act on willing.

You really can't be coerced into 'willing' because it is a free, eyes open decision. Granted, sometimes willing may not be the preferred response - you'd rather do something 'else', but in the final analysis, you do the deciding. Remember though, willing may start intellectually but it is always an action. The action is the proof of your 'willing to'. And... the unknown may be what you face - are you willing to?

TOO busy!

Do those two words define you? Not just describe but really define your life? Does the phrase - stop and smell the roses - totally irritate you? Are you part of the great - I'm too busy - horde? OK... stop for just a moment and look at your life. WHAT are you busy doing? Does what you do provide challenge, adventure, pleasure, learning, creativity, etc. to your day? IF it does then you are blessed. IF it doesn't then you need to take stock at where you are now and where you'd prefer to be. And... how to get to where you want to be.

If you are too busy to analyze then I venture to say you don't want to look at your options. And before you cry 'foul', seriously consider your reasons about analyzing and options. We always, always, always have options.  But... is that the problem - you don't see your options? And, analyzing simply intensifies your helpless feeling? Yes, you have responsibilities. Yes, you have obligations. but Yes, you have options. However, to take the risk to analyze and then to risk to develop options and then to risk to act on your decision... is a big risk. But is there any other option to analyze? The decision is whether we're willing to pay the price of change or the price of staying with the status quo.

Change is a risk, is a potential problem. But not making a change is a risk, a potential problem. Both will cost you something but can you go on indefinitely only 'going through the motions'? Meaninglessness is really a high price to pay. And all the unhappiness you are experiencing becomes intensified when life holds little or no joy. Most of us can endure anything for a short time, but if it is the standard and you see no way out then sometimes being too busy is an armor, a weird protection.

If you delight in being too busy... why? What is happening for you that makes this a preferred lifestyle? Do you hear yourself saying things like: when I have time I'll... or, I'd love to do (fill in the blank) but I really don't have any free time... or, sounds like fun - I'll do it when there is more time. Reality says that the hoped for upcoming 'free time' never comes. Make the decision to look at what's asking to be considered and what's stopping you - is TOO busy dictating, what owns your life?

Cheerleader

No, not the pom, pom thing. Perhaps I should have used the word - encourager instead. My point is - do you have someone in your life that's your cheerleader? A cheerleader, an encourager is someone who is supportive, who pats you on your back when you do something. And the pat on the back doesn't need to be for something outstanding, it can be for any reason.

An encourager is not someone who looks at you through rose colored glasses. They see and know your faults probably as well as you but they prefer to 'accent the positive'. They are typically always there with an encouraging word or some positive action. My Mom was my cheerleader and was always supportive, telling me I could do (whatever it was that I thought I wanted). The 'you can do it' attitude by others is typically a strong support about your own willingness to continue. However I would suggest that trust of the encourager is undoubtedly the most important attribute.

Are you a cheerleader? There are some requirements, conditions for you as an encourager. 1- Your behavior can't provide mixed messages - support one moment and criticism the next. Until asked, an encourager does not provide unsolicited comments. You encourage or you say nothing.  2- Your words of encouragement have to be 'real', genuine. What you say has to be believable. And 3- if you are an encourager, there has to be a basis in relationship. Simply saying 'good job' to someone who is only an acquaintance may be positive but if you are family or friends, the impact is greater.

Whether or not you have someone in your life that provides encouragement for you, are you/do you provide encouragement for others? Encouragement can't be off hand comments. You have to believe what you are saying. To encourage, according to Webster, means: to inspire with courage, spirit or hope. Listen to your words... does this define what you say?

Temptation

Let's face it - we all are open to being tempted on some level in some area(s). None of us are impervious to temptation. The issue isn't the existence of temptation but what do we do when confronted with it. How do we respond to temptation? Do we capitulate and just give in to it, even when we know it will ultimately result in something unfortunate for ourselves? Do we stand fast? And what happens when we do give in?

If we stand fast - how do we respond then? With a large 'whew'? Falling for pride that we stood fast? Thankfulness to the Lord that He saw us through it? There is always, lurking, a new temptation. But it really is the initial reaction - do we overcome or are we being overcome by the temptation - that begins the cascade. Standing fast is a confidence builder that we have overcome - however... don't be fooled, most temptations will make a new attempt.

The part you must realize is that temptation is not an 'oops', not a mistake - we all know when we are giving in to the temptation but we proceed anyway. Sometimes we proceed somewhat sheepishly... or sneakily... but a temptation is always embraced. And there is no... 'I didn't realize...' Actually we do, we just don't want to acknowledge our actions. And once in the midst of temptation... what do we do?

There are 2 scriptures that, for me, speak to this problem we face - Hebrews 2:17-18 and 4:14-15. Hebrews tells us that fortunately we have a promise in that Jesus has been tempted in all the areas we are and still is without sin. And further that He ever lives to make intercession for us. Knowing that He understands, though not approving, gives great comfort. Then He tells us (4:16) to come boldly to the throne to find help. He always helps us through into overcoming.

What matters is people...

Do you think a more trite title could have been used? If the title sounds a bit like Barbra Streisand's extremely popular song, "People", from the distant past then the similarities are entirely accidental. This phrase is one of those 'givens' that we don't think about that much. Mistake. People populate our lives in so many ways and impact on our decision making - both good and bad. And if that last statement sounded somewhat 'duh'-ish I suppose it's true. But how we 'treat' people does makes a statement.

When you think about it... how do people figure in your life? A very basic question is: how do you value people? Are others to be merely tolerated, are they to be 'used', encouraged, involved, etc.? Do you even want others to impact your life? If your answer to this last question is a resounding 'no' then I suggest you either rethink your stand or decide to become a hermit because as long as there are people around you, they will impact your life.

You have to admit that people enrich our lives. People bring to us new ways of thinking, ideas we may not have previously considered, and so many other considerations. To me, the question really is us - how we interact with others, how we touch and allow ourselves to be touched by others. There are so many factors that determine how we react, primarily based in our experiences. But we can't use experience as our excuse for treating others badly - what was is not always what is or what should be.

I really do like people... though I may not be all that enamored with what they do and say. Then again, I'm not always enamored with what I do and say. I do believe that we all should react to one another based on the Golden Rule. But I also believe that even if others don't treat me this way, I need to react to them based on my standard. Lashing out simply because I was lashed out at rarely accomplishes more than escalating the situation. We don't know why they reacted in that way... perhaps we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Yes?

... because

For me, it's all about the 'because'. The because is the why, the reason for the response/reaction to what you've just said, did, want to do. Without the because there's no real understanding. I suspect I can blame my parents for this predilection - they always included the reason when disallowing something. And they always made certain that I understood why - not simply acceded to their wishes.

I 'always' try and remember that training and provide a 'because' when I say 'no' to something. Because can also sound like, 'because...???' when I use it to understand the motivation of the person making the request/statement. Because really does have a variety of uses dependent upon the inflection when speaking the word. However, in the midst of all this, the word is not the reason. The 'because I said so' has no attendant understanding.

But I'm really using the word in this context as explaining - why. Why's explanations give us understanding and learning. I've discovered that the more certain the person is of why they are saying 'no' the more willing they are to give their reasons. I've simultaneously discovered that those who really have no logical reason and/or simply want to exert their dominance typically respond to my 'why?' with anger.

'Because' always forces us to be aware of why we are doing what we are doing. Our response to because makes us consider options and alternatives prior to acting. Simply... because can be a check for us to be positive we have done sufficient planning. Another person asking questions can be part of our checklist - not necessarily a challenge to our why.

NOW!!!

Generally speaking (whatever that really means) I do like now thinking and, generally, acting on the 'now'. Part of my reason is that I know I am/have 'now' since I'm in it - I don't know about later or tomorrow and yesterday is my source for understanding and knowing but now.... now has all the uncertainty and excitement associated with the unknown. But... it also has all the excitement and promise that I'll be able to experience and savor.

Perhaps you think that this is a frivolous discussion but before you cast too many aspersions, think about it. How often do we live in the now, in the present and how often are we waiting for... later or remembering yesterday? Both activities have their place but I would contend that way too much time is spent in tomorrow or yesterday. One of the main reasons is, this way we don't have to deal with the current problems, issues, pains.

Living in the moment requires a level of attention that goes beyond the norm. To be able to extract all you can from the now means that you need to be fully engaged. This is definitely not an observe, a watch from the sidelines. It's an involved, sometimes skinning your knees, joy and sadness filled embrace. The effort is really worth it because it begins to enhance your tomorrows with the knowledge and understand you gain.

Now really is all it's cracked up to be even if you don't know what may happen next. Next is associated with now but it's dependent upon now. Now stands alone. It's an is. It's potential... it's promise... it's unknown. It's laughter and tears and success and loss and all you hope it will be and fear it might be. It's now. 

Perfection...ist

Are you one of those? Are you a perfectionist? In everything? In certain 'important' areas only? Do you ever 'settle' for less? How much does being a perfectionist control you? And, most importantly, who defines what perfection is for you? Sometimes I think that it isn't a problem being a perfectionist as much as it is a problem dealing with those people and situation who aren't.

I grew up with the saying that... "if it's worth doing then it's worth doing well." I really have no idea who initially created that saying but if you are like me, you are stuck with that approach to life. I have no option but to do the absolute best I can in any given situation or decide to opt out of any involvement. And if you start an involvement you are pretty well stuck at following it through to completion. It really is an all or nothing at all approach.

One of the definitions of perfectionism is that anything short of perfection is unacceptable. Actually Webster defines the word in terms of perfection of moral character, which constitutes a person's highest good. That definition does elevate the word and it personalizes it at the same time. This gives one both a sense of comfort as well as a responsibility.

If I've been unclear then let me say that I do value the perfectionist' attitude and approach toward life. The issue really is whether I accept this as my personal philosophy and/or expect the same from others. Perhaps that's where problems arise. We really can't expect others to act from this philosophical base. Besides, we don't know their definitions. However, the true test is whether or not we are able to forgive ourselves when we don't live up to our own standard. We can be disappointed that we didn't but we have to move on. Remember... if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Overcomer

Are you an overcomer? Or... are you in the state of overcoming? There is a promise for us if we contend to overcome. (Revelations 21:7) "He who overcomes shall inherit all things and I will be his God and he shall be My son." Now that is a promise worth contending for! But... if the flesh gets hold of this then it will whine away resolve. Because, bottom line, you have to contend, to resolve to overcome. Losing appears to be the opposite of overcome - not a state that one would choose.

Though everyone knows what overcoming is (winning), defining it does put a period on what we are discussing. Overcome according to Webster means: surmount (get the better of), conquer, defeat, prevail, triumph.Those are all strong words and basically mean that you are the victor not the defeated. I especially like the word - triumph - because it means that in the face of obstacles, I have found a way to victory. We are all in a battle - daily. When it comes to our emotions and feelings, this means that they aren't controlling us. When it comes to the mind it means that we discover options, alternatives to the dilemma.

Past success in overcoming rarely last long enough. It seems that when one battle is completed, another rises to the surface. The reason for this, in my opinion, is that we are all in a state of becoming. Becoming is a condition of improving oneself, of growing/maturing. All this is 'good' but all this takes time, commitment, and dedication. Yes, we all slip but the point is - do we get up, dust ourselves off, and continue.?

When you consider the verse in Revelations, overcoming takes on an even greater significance. In this case we are talking about both the here and now as well as the future. Personally I don't believe we are asked to choose between them. We need to focus on both simultaneously because when you really consider - our now actions have ramifications about our future. This should not be viewed as a scary thing, that God is just waiting to zap us when we make a mistake. Quite the contrary - He's our greatest cheerleader and when we slip, once we turn again to Him - we are empowered by His grace and favor again as He helps us overcome.

When I grow up...

I don't know what you think, but I'm not convinced that anyone knows when one hits the magic 'grown up' status. Is it a particular age? Is it automatic? How do you know what it is when no one can really define it? That magic achieved grown up status is individually defined and since it rarely is, then one can declare (to oneself) grown up status is attained whenever one desires to do so.?  And... is it really that important?

The older I get the more I ask myself that last question - a: is this possible (defined as, is it worth it) and b: do I care? The answer to a: is... it depends on your definition of 'grow up' and the answer to b: is - depends on the moment, but basically I think I'm as grown up as I need or want to be. As long as imagination and creativity aren't hampered, then growing up is a plus. But, I think 'growing up' is an add on. And it's all about presentation.

How you present yourself to the world seems to be the main 'judge' as to whether you are grown up or not. Somewhat arbitrary to my thinking. Let's face it - we all do/say stupid things at times which would give lie to the 'grown up' status. There are so many aspects that really go into a definition but if I had to define the status I would say that the primary indicators are: do you take responsibility for your own actions? How do you relate to others? What do you do when face with a crisis? And, what's your attitude about...?

For me, a great component is how I look at learning.  I know I am not the source of all wisdom, never will be so I can never grow up in this area. It doesn't mean that I should stop learning, discovering... quite the contrary. When it comes to wisdom you have to continuously 'grow up'. I should also add - speaking the truth in love. Truth and love are mates and you can't separate them for your own advantage. I suspect that much of what I would include can be summed up in one word - character. What is and how does that present your you?

Words... fruit???

Have you ever considered your words as fruit? Before you think me completely daft, stop and consider. The words that you speak do produce - they produce feelings and thoughts in the people you are speaking to. The response from others give evidence of the kind of fruit we produce. Feelings and thoughts are the fruits from your words. So what kind of fruit are you producing - good, bad, rotten, healthy????

In Luke 6:43-45 Jesus talks about fruit and that we are known by our fruit.  Do our words produce the fruit of hurt feelings? the light bulb of understanding? Were they words of sarcasm, encouragement, spiteful, uplifting, etc.? In another place in scripture we are told that we will give an accounting for the words we speak (Matthew 12:36). And still in another place it talks about the tongue not being tamed (James 3:6-10). All this says, to me, that we need to listen to what we say. Minimally it will tell us if we are communicating what we intend to.

I've always been impressed with the scripture that indicates God's view, the tremendous importance He places on words when He says that His words always produce what He sends them to do - they never come back void (Isaiah 55:11). We need to give that kind of importance to our words. What kind of fruit are you producing?  Luke 6:43 assures us that a good tree does not bear bad fruit nor the reverse. The other point is that we are known by our own fruit. (6:44) that a grape vine we won't produce apples nor will a orange tree produce figs. This should 'logically' lead us to consider how and what we say.

We really need to look at the impact, the affect of our words. As I've said, our words give evidence of the kind of fruit we produce. The basis of our evidence really is our heart. Luke 6:45 tells us that "...out of the abundance of the heart (his) mouth speaks." Are our words light? Do they speak truth? Do you see what your words are producing? What are we speaking? Good treasure or bad? Listen to your words... you'll see your fruit.

Assumptions

get us into a lot of trouble - yes? Yes. And yet we all continue to operate this way. Why? Easy answer - because we're trying to have order in our lives and with as little stress and strain on us as possible. Even the most illogical person needs to be able to rely on certain patterns, tendencies, and 'characteristics' that provide a method to interacting. Unfortunately, while assumptions can assist they can also mislead.

There's a wonderful comment in my favorite Britcom when the actor misquotes by saying, "Assumptions doth make fools of us all." This is all too true. And while we experience problems when we do assume, and while we sometimes get in a world of hurt when we act on our assumptions... still we continue. It really isn't a 'death' wish, it's just faster and easier to make and act on assumptions. But what if we didn't? What would happen to our 'ordered' world? Chaos? What would replace assuming? Because we humans really don't like voids so we fill them as soon as we can regardless of whether the replacement is better or worse.

We humans do tend to dislike and/or not function well outside of the order we create. Order provides meaning and it provides structure and as much as we decry both - we also seek it to provide us with our 'frame of reference'. And this is not bad... in and of itself. The danger comes when our assumptions are wrong - what do we do with this? One option is to continue regardless of what is happening but this is typically ineffective. Another option is to replace with a new model. Is there a third?

I'm convinced that we need to be more sensitive to change - others as well as our own. You change all the time, perhaps not on the significant issues but you, consciously or not, are continually making little adjustments, tweaks to how you respond to your environment - as do others. The same exists in our interpersonal relationships - we need to be more sensitive to changes in others. Static is not a condition anyone lives in.

Battle

We're all engaged in battles. Some life threatening and some only annoying - but a battle is a battle. I do have a question though - are you in the battle to win? Or are you a 'grin and bear it', stiff upper lip type? Or perhaps you feel that there's no hope of 'winning' so you are just hoping to stay even? Your attitude toward battles is critical and determines much of whether your experiences are win, lose, or draw.

An important point is that I'm not referring to battles with other people - you really should never do that in the first place. No one ever really wins in those confrontations. The results regardless of win/lose/draw are typically always irreversible and never pleasant - even if you 'win'. The battles I'm talking about are primarily with yourself and with ideas, methods, principles, etc. I would suggest, only slightly tongue-in-cheek, that if you aren't in a current battle or just emerging from one or getting ready to engage the 'enemy' that you are living a compromised life. Yes, harsh but is it accurate?

I believe that battles are rarely a surprise so there's typically time to plan, to prepare. There's a scripture that talks about the fact that a good leader never goes into a battle without considering all the possible consequences and without being as thoroughly prepared as possible (Luke 14:31). You? Granted you might not be able to win every battle, but you might be able to mitigate the losses through careful planning.

I think that it is critical that you don't go to battle: 1- without a plan and 2- without the mindset of winning. Another point is that battles don't have to be devastating - the end result doesn't have to be annihilation. Your attitude and subsequent behavior goes a long way in terms of influencing the end. Last, recognize the problem and don't get caught in 'personalities'. Granted that many battles are ostensibly with/against other people, it's the underlying concepts that are the issue - not the people.

Fear

Without question fear is the most debilitating emotion. Regardless of the source for the fear, it is paralyzing. And it impacts every aspect and facet of our life when it emerges. It's like dark - it totally encompasses everything... until the light appears. And like light and dark, faith and fear can never exist together, simultaneously - they are totally antithetical. And as light consumes dark, faith consumes fear.

How does fear emerge? Sometimes simply, like a bad experience and sometimes more obtuse. When, how does an intense dislike move to hate and then on to fear? And is fear always based on experience? Or... can you fear something that you've never experienced? And it is totally impossible to like something you feared? At least I can't see how. Fear can be both rational and irrational. Fear does not have to be logical. Reason rarely plays a part in fear.

Does the mere possibility of the adverse experience cause fear?  Possibly. I do believe that fear is based on loss, or the potentiality for loss - loss of life being the most formidable. I would suspect that the possibility of loss will cause fear to emerge. But I also suspect that much of fear's expectation never occurs. So why do we let fear control us - our thinking and our actions? Probably because one of fear's greatest advantage is the unknown. And too often we humans tend to see/expect the worst.

If we can get beyond the emotions long enough to look at what we are afraid of we often find that either a: it really isn't as fearful as we initially thought or b: we can develop a defense against the threat or develop a strategy to counteract the problem. Obviously the problem is stopping long enough to control the fear rather than allowing fear to control us. And c: we need to consider what it is we have faith in related to the current problem. Faith really is considerably stronger than fear... remember that mustard seed.

My Life!

I realize this may sound puerile (that is another of those fun words to say like oxymoron) but I have a very serious question for you. Whose life are you leading? Is it the one you always thought it would be? Is it one that has taken you on merry but certainly unexpected adventures? Is it one that you can say leaves you with little regret? Or is it one that conforms to someone else's expectations of/for you? One that leaves you less than satisfied? One that has more tears than happiness?

Another way of phrasing this is - when you wake up in the morning, what is your first thought? Do you start your day with a smile or a groan? And if you feel that your life is less than you thought, hoped or wished it would be, what's stopping you from making the changes you need in order to have the life you want? Is the safety of the known, albeit less than satisfactory, to be preferred to the unknown challenge... 'out there'?

The old saying is true - life is too short to waste the time in regret. Life really is for those who are brave enough to embrace it. And lest you make unwarranted conclusions, I would never suggest that you abandon your responsibilities and those in your life for only selfish acts. It isn't necessary to throw the baby out with the bathwater - that accomplishes nothing. But... you can start making adjustments to your life choices that heads you in the direction you want to go.

Far too many people wake up one morning to discover that those hopes and dreams and wishes seem as far away as they were when they first decided on them. If true, then do what you can do to begin becoming all you can be. It is never too late. I know I've written on this topic before and with some of the same emphases - but that's probably because too often people give in and stop dreaming, stop doing what they can to accomplish what they want. I challenge you, as I do myself every morning, to make me count today in ... my life.

Driven to...

There is a wonderful line in one of Susan W. Albert's books that says, "...under certain circumstances, almost anyone can be driven to almost anything." True? Or are you going to attempt to take the moral high ground and state - 'Not me!'? Sadly, it really is all too true. Sure we can say, '... we're only human.' But that really is no excuse. And to be cavalier about this is asking for trouble.

Do you know your blind spots (yes, you can know at least some of them), 'pet peeves' and sore points? Sore points are those comments and/or ideas expressed that hurt, distress, upset you. Typically only those close to us know them, regardless they are 'areas' that can - drive you. Typically the place that you get to when 'driven to' is one that you really don't like since you may do or say something that you wished you hadn't. For me, when I get to that driven place it typically forces me to go back because I need to apologize.

So the issue really is - what to do about those 'driven to' places? How can we control them rather than being controlled by them? I do believe that if we don't recognize and understand our own places then more often than not we will be driven to do almost anything to reduce the impact of what's occurring. None of us handles pain that well. Unfortunately and somewhat understandably typically we react without thinking, almost blindly, to alleviate our condition.

Often it is our 'blind spots' that cause us the greatest problems. Getting blindsided is always extremely uncomfortable because of its unexpectedness. How we react is critical because for some reason, it's these situations that seem to always occur in front of an audience. So, once again we are talking about a character issue. When these types of 'driven to' situations emerge, it is our character that will 'take over'. In hindsight, is this good? bad? or being worked on...

Backup Plan,Timing, et al

In terms of God's plans, I don't think He has backup plans. He has a plan and that's what's in place. However, because He chose to use us as His instruments and also gave us free will, we rarely follow His path to completing the plan in a straight and smooth line. Getting Plan A completed sometimes takes us on a wide and meandering, over hill and dale route.

If time is a factor and we don't have our act together, He will make certain that whatever needs to be done is fulfilled by someone. He simply does not leave people to chance. In terms of our involvement, this is not a one mistake on our part and we will never have the opportunity to be of value in the future. But it also means that we may miss our opportunity in this particular situation.

One thing we need to remind ourselves of is that God's timetable isn't ours. I'm terrible about getting ahead of myself. What I need to do is to be available and aware. What is happening may be a 'warning' of how I need to prepare in order to be available at the time. It would be helpful if I could see the end from the beginning, but I can't and I really hate to be presumptuous. So, when I sense something I need to stop and quiet myself to discover what, if anything, is being asked of me.

Also remember that nothing is really hurried. If we are panicky then we can be certain we're out of sync. We can be assured that the plan is in place and will accomplish what it's set to do. We all have roles to play, we all have assignments but at the end of the current situation, we also need to move on because there will be a new role, a new assignment. There really isn't time to sit back and savor or rerun 'what if's'. Learn from previous assignments, yes. Stay in the past, no.

Black hats

How do you feel when the black hats don't get caught? Personally I get highly irritated. But it is true that the black hats don't always get caught... at least, we don't see how/if they get caught.  It was so much easier 'in days gone by'  knowing who to root for and who to boo. I was raised that right prevailed that the white hats always won and black hats got punished.

Obviously in real life that didn't/doesn't always operate. Then in theaters we started seeing 'anti-heroes'. Totally an oxymoron. You can't always tell who is 'good' or 'bad' even with a scorecard because, just like in real life, the black hats did some 'good' things and the white hats did some 'bad' things. And the merging between the two began taking hold. Actually I've heard many people defend this as more 'true to life'. Not convinced however. Without the 'good' role models children have little to base their actions on.

Why and how we got to this state of affairs is nearly as interesting as the fact of merged black and white. The problem though is, how do we make sense of this merged reality? What can we trust? Who is worthy of respect? And equally important, what do we do if/when we make a mistake in our loyalties? There are no obvious answers. Which is also part of the problem since we typically don't enjoy the hard decisions. But we do need to determine what our standards are and what to do when these standards aren't followed.

All good questions, problems and none easily answered. It can quickly be argued that white hats/black hats never really existed. Maybe. Maybe not. This leads me to the ultimate question regarding this 'subject'. What do you do when faced with conundrums, layered problems, uncharted (for you) areas, etc.? Recognizing that you are an example, a model for at least one other person - how do you handle this responsibility... are you basically a white or a black hat?

Desert

Have you even been in a dry place? Terrible, isn't it! That really wasn't a question... it is terrible. However, it can be profitable, there can be an upside. It's a question of whether or not you are willing to learn from the situation. A dry place is another word for desert. Webster tells us that a desert is a desolate or forbidding area. I think it's the desolation that is the most difficult for us to grapple with.

Honestly, I hate deserts! Perhaps a tad strong. I hate long desert 'visitations', more accurately reflects my feelings. I do love the learnings I get from the experience though. However, I don't always appreciate them until I'm safely out of the desert, am refreshed, and able to consider what's happened and why. A desert is definitely a hostile place and a location one would want to 'escape' from as soon as possible but it's also important to learn all we can from this experience.


I think I always combine desert and struggling. I also associate desert with need - deficiency, lack of resources, lack of companionship, lack. This situation is doubly difficult if you really don't understand how you got into this place or why. Sometimes to extricate oneself it's necessary to ask the 'right' question. Perhaps it isn't a question of the how and why but of the... now what? Once out the how and why questions need asking.

It's probably fairly safe to say that we've all experienced deserts... multiple times. The issue really becomes: how we use those times, those learnings to grow. I learned early on that if I didn't assess what occurred, what I did/didn't do, etc. then I would be doomed to repeat the time in the desert.  If for no other reason, for me that would be sufficient motivation. But our learning must be more than 'how to avoid deserts', it's important that we learn all a desert experience can teach us.

Stumble

Hurts, doesn't it... when you stumble? Stumbling doesn't always mean falling but it does mean coming very, very close to falling. Stumbling can be a warning. Do we heed it? And when I'm talking about stumbling I'm not just taking about physical falling - we can stumble emotionally, spiritually and even intellectually. For some, a stumble will stop them completely. No further movement will occur. But, stumbling can be a check for us - a time to decide how/if to proceed.

The 'almost' fall does take one's breath away. A kind of... "there, but the grace of God go I" reality. Whether you catch yourself or someone comes along and does the catching, the feeling of escape from what could be a bad situation is somewhat euphoric. Actually, we can use the information from a stumble far more effectively then we can from a fall. A fall entails taking care of any injuries that may have occurred before looking at the reason(s) for the fall.
 
How we react to 'stumbles' says a great deal about who we are.Though it should be warning enough, it oft times isn't. I sometimes think that there is a bit of a war in us - pushing the outer limits to see exactly how far we can go without total destruction occuring. For some, a stumble will cause them to stop completely. For others, a stumble will cause a reassessment of what they are doing and how they should proceed. Some people actually ignore stumbling and thus don't take advantage of the positive potential.

Stumbles occur in our lives no matter how much we plan for all eventualities. The unplanned for ones tend to have a more lasting impact. An argument can also be made that the 'type' (the area - emotional, spiritual, intellectual) makes the major difference in how/if we proceed. Some of the stumbles don't have the impact other types do. Perhaps. I still maintain that how we react to stumbles is the major determinant in our own character development and how we react to stumbles.

Strength

We're told that the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). But what is strength? Webster defines the word as: the quality or state of being strong, capacity for endurance, power to resist force and attack, a moral force. We can conclude then that this is not just physical strength that being talked about... it's intellectual, emotional, spiritual.

For me, what I found interesting is that when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was He quoted from Deuteronomy but did not use the word 'strength' (Matthew 22:37). At least my translation reads that way. I did wonder but simply accepted that 'strength' was implied. And when you look at that description, you see that the commandment does include ALL of you. Trust me, to love according to this definition will require strength.

So, do you consider yourself strong? What threatens your strength? What strengthens your strength? All those questions require answers - they are not rhetorical. Simply ignoring threats to this love will never help. It's how you respond and what you do that strengthens love. Love is never weak. Look at how Paul describes it in 1Corinthians 12. Love is a force and it is all encompassing. But love is always tested.

To love completely, totally is our choice. I realize that there are those who may disagree but I can't comprehend a partial loving. This simply is not possible. Love is one of those either/or words. If we are to love God with all our heart, soul, mind then this will take all our strength. I think Dietrich Bonheoffer said it best, “Salvation is free, but discipleship will cost you your life.”

Just a bit more...

I know we rarely think we have enough (everything) to (fill in the blank) but how much is ... just a bit more? I suspect we really don't have an answer to that either. But whatever the 'it' is that you don't have enough of, we can use it as the basis for doing nothing. Yes, it is a bit of a cop out and before you yell 'foul' because I haven't defined the word, think about this. What stops you from moving ahead? Do you honestly believe that you'll receive whatever it is you think you need so you can move on? And... when? And just as important - whose your benefactor that will supply the missing 'bit'?

Seriously. When you begin a project, do you plan ahead, consider options and alternatives, timeline it out, etc.? Or are you the 'jump in feet first' type? The latter embodies the catch phrase, "if you fail to plan then you plan to fail", even though I don't think the 'jump in' types consciously realize this. Another, equally important, question is - do you begin before everything is in place or do you wait to move ahead?

No value judgment on the 'best' method - but do you know how you proceed, when you proceed? Actually both approaches have pros and cons - but it really is important to know which you choose. The 'just a bit more' type will undoubtedly wait till everything is ready. But if you truly trust that whatever it is you don't have now but will is going to happen, you may venture prior to having all you need. How you view your lack is really the issue.

The last question really needs to be answered first... how critical is the 'little bit'? How important or how detrimental to the success of the project is it? And, if it's critical for success then when and where and how will you receive what you need - who is your provider? A 'just a bit more...' may stop you permanently from proceeding or... you just may get creative about how you can compensate or adjust.

Content and Grateful

You do understand that content and complacent are not the same thing? Complacent, in my world, is something to be avoided at all cost. But have you learned to be content in all situations? I haven't. I do work on this but I'm definitely not there. From a different perspective, do you live your life grateful? Regardless of your circumstances, are you grateful for who you are, who populates your world, where you are on your life's journey? I'm not convinced that we can live contented if we aren't simultaneously grateful.

When I read about Paul's life and all that he encountered and endured and then read his words in Philippians 4:10-13 that he has learned to be content. How?! It really isn't the easiest state to attain. However, in reading on he says (vs 13): "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That's his bottom line. And it is something which I do strive to imitate. But, not there yet.  

Perhaps the problem is the definition of the word 'content'. I think even Webster has difficulty defining the word. As I said earlier, content is not complacent. Content is an action word not passive. Webster indicates that content means satisfied, pleased, gratified. Perhaps. Content in my world of definitions means accepting the condition as it is now but with the realization that it may not continue. Nor may you want it to. Content is the base from which you start.

As for grateful... this is a strong word and Webster only uses simpering (my interpretation) words to define it: appreciative, pleasing. Yes those do define grateful but it is also so much more. Grateful spills over into all areas of one's life. Just think of all the emotions you can't express if you're grateful and all the emotions that spill out of you that are expressed. Can's in this case are the opposites of the can'ts. Grateful is the foundation for content.

Put off ... Put on ...

Both are important. And, obviously, we have to put off before we can put on. We need to rid ourselves of  our secular/carnal approaches and rid ourselves of past baggage as we become the new. It's important to realize that we are engaged as both subject and actor in becoming the new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Colossians 3:8 tells us that we are to put off the old . This fruit is: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleman: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language, lying as we put on the new.

In putting on the new, we need to be aware that the new is more of Him and less of 'I'. That can be difficult. We are so use to being 'in charge' that even when we read and understand who the new man is we still have difficulty in relinquishing our control. It's not impossible, just difficult. And it really isn't a matter of trusting the Lord, it's more a matter of our decisions, our determination, our control. The interesting part in all this is that we still do retain the decisions, control but we have a different standard by which to make those decisions.

Just who and what is the 'new'? First thing we learn is that it is a renewal but it is also a brand new - something that didn't exist before. One of the 'new' is that now we have the fruit of the Spirit operating in our lives: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). The fruit may exist but it is up to us to exercise it. We still are the actor, the subject. It will not manifest if we don't allow it to work.

One of the difficulties in understanding is that we still are the one who chooses to act in a particular fashion. We aren't robots and we will make mistakes. Putting on the new is a process. It takes time and it takes our choosing to learn and grow what the new is and can do. No one will wave a magic wand and suddenly you are all 'good' and safe and happy and nothing bad will happen. We are still in the world. But how we choose to share ourselves and act is still our decision. Put off ... Put on ...

Right place/time?

Do you ever feel that you're in the wrong place? Or maybe you think your timing is off, that you've somehow 'missed it' or that it's for so far in the future that it isn't 'currently' viable? My first words of advice are: Don't Assume! Too often when things are not going as we have planned or thought they should, we think we have misread the information. Perhaps... but not necessarily.

Timing is a tricky thing at best. You don't want to be early but you certainly don't want to be late. I've discovered that if we have misread the time, God always finds a way to make it work (all things work to the good, Romans 8:28)) but He looks at our hearts first. What is our motivation? Are we 'ready'? Have we done the prep work (2Timothy 3:17)? He is not about to place us in a position where we will fail or, worse, hurt those we are trying to help. If we aren't ready, regardless the reason, the work will get done... just not by us.

One thing we do have to recognize is that we will never be totally prepared. However, that reality doesn't absolve us from the responsibility to prepare (2Timothy 2:15). Preparation can be very tedious, but it really depends on our attitude. When we accept the fact that we need to be able to be prepared for any eventuality then we get closer to the place we need to be - being instant in season and out (2Timothy 4:2).

I really believe that if we're not in the right place or if our timing is off, that a new opportunity will present itself. The critical point is not to focus on ourself, not to focus on a 'missed' opportunity but to be watchful and to continue to prepare. God uses people who are available to Him - it just might not be in the way we thought... This is a time not to focus on how or when we will be used of God but to focus on preparing so He can use us.

Opposites

We live lives of opposites. And opposites do co-exist... or do they? For example: can you have faith and still fear? The quick answer is - of course. But not on the same issue, simultaneously. There are many examples of opposites: light - dark, faith - fear, hope - despair are only a few of them. And while we can argue that it depends on the situation as to which feeling prevails, there is a primary position we all have.

The issue can be 'feeling'. While feelings often rule, it is our mind that controls. I suspect that's why we have as many scriptures on renewing the mind that there are. 2Corinthians 4:16 talks about the inward man being renewed day by day, Ephesians 4:23 tells us to be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and Romans 12:2 tells to to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. There are other examples but two things seem to reaffirm that this is not a one time act and that it is progressive. It's important that we renew our minds so that it does control.

But have you considered the opposites that exist in your life? Light - dark. Do you know that it's impossible for dark to coexist with light? The dark is swallowed up in the light. But the opposite, dark swallowing light cannot occur. Dark is the lesser. Light brings understanding, knowledge but dark only brings negative emotions. Faith - fear. Again, it is impossible for them to coexist. Fear is crippling while faith is enabling. Fear brings stress and worry, faith brings assurance. Hope - despair. You can't hope if you live in despair and you can't despair if you live in hope.

All of these opposites are either/or. You can't hold both simultaneously.  None of the 'negative' opposites have power, except that which we give them. All of the 'positive' opposites are imbued with power. Light, faith, hope bring us to a place of peace, a place of strength. Dark, fear, despair bring us to sadness and conflict. And... you choose which you will live with.

The Gift of Rescue

That phrase simply leapt out at me. It was a comment in a Christmas letter that a friend had sent. In it was the statement: God's gift of rescue. Outside of when you are in dire need, do you ever think about rescue? Rescue... is it simply a 'saving from'? Webster defines the word as: to free from confinement, danger, or evil.  Both 'deliver' and 'save' are synonyms. While rescuing is always a saving  from some one/thing, it is also a deliverance into something and 'better' is typically the definition.

The one word that would describe the feelings of the rescuee is relief. Relief that one's status has changed, improved. Relief that whatever danger existed has been defeated or that you have escaped. Soooo, do you need rescuing? And equally important - do you know what you need rescuing from? Are you willing to be rescued? Before you cavalierly state that anyone needing rescuing is by definition willing - not necessarily.

After the relief of rescue wears off then the feelings of knowing you owe a debt to the rescuer begin. How to repay? But what do you do when there is no way to repay? How do you respond to the rescuer? This can become an obstacle between you and the rescuer if you let it. It takes more strength to accept, graciously, the gift you were given of rescue than any 'repayment' could afford. And there are those rescuers who don't expect repayment.

Being rescued can become a wonderful motivator in terms of how we respond to others. A rescued person does tend to become more accepting, more gracious, more loving. You? God, through Jesus, has rescued every one of us who have accepted His gift. Our only 'repayment' is how we respond to Him. It really is quite simple. In responding to Him, follow what His word tells us will please Him.

Another New Year

A Happy New Year to you! I hope that you make 2012 all that you need and want it to be. Whatever else happens will be like frosting on your cake - but it is you who make the cake.

A couple of things... 1- my 'regularity' in writing in the blog may become spastic for awhile. I've finished the book and will need to take time to do the editing. Though spending all my time on that is not gonna happen... I still will be making entries, just not as regular so do check back. If you have read this blog with any sense of consistency then you'll recognize the entries in the book. However, I've also an invitation for you. If you want to provide input to me by reading 7+ of the entries and 'critiquing' them then let me know and I'll let you choose what you might want to read.

2- stay tuned. I've also decided to start a new blog called - "This blog's for you". It has been my contention for a long time that everyone has at least 1 and maybe 2 or 3 'messages' in their heart that they'd like to share with others. This blog is the opportunity. Think about what's in your heart and then I'll let you know on this blog when I'm launching it. Obviously there will be a few 'conditions' for inclusion such as: no swearing, no anti-Christian rhetoric but the only act I'll be doing will be cut and paste. I'll let you know later what this will 'look' like and you can determine for yourself if you want to participate.

However just at this moment of 12:01 am... stop, look around you, and rejoice and celebrate the start of a new year. There's hope and joy and promise and fulfillment and all sorts of great adventures in store for you - embrace them.